Being Catholic

THE SACRAMENT OF HOLY MATRIMONY

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.
Ephesians 5, 21-33

Ephesians 5:21-33 outlines the inherent relational dynamics within a Christian marriage. It emphasizes the importance of mutual submission among partners, encouraging spouses to prioritize each other’s needs and well-being. This section draws a profound analogy between the marital relationship and the relationship between Christ and the Church, illustrating the love, sacrifice, and respect that should characterize both. Husbands are called to love their wives selflessly, just as Christ’s sacrificial love is for the Church, while wives are encouraged to respect and support their husbands. This passage not only establishes a foundational framework for marital harmony but also underscores the spiritual significance of the covenant bond, highlighting the call to unity and shared purpose in light of Christian values.

Paul opens with the powerful exhortation to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” establishing a foundational principle that underscores the importance of humility and mutual respect in all relationships. This directive suggests that healthy interactions, particularly in marriage, should be characterized by a spirit of cooperation and selflessness. It encourages individuals to view their partnerships as a shared journey, where each person’s needs, desires, and well-being are thoughtfully considered and prioritized. This emphasis on reciprocal submission fosters an environment of trust and understanding, reinforcing the idea that true love is not merely about personal fulfillment but about nurturing and uplifting one another in a commitment that reflects genuine reverence for Christ and His teachings.

Paul then specifically addresses wives, instructing them to be subject to their husbands “as you are to the Lord.” This phrase has often been interpreted as a call for wives to respect, honor, and support their husbands in their roles as household leaders. The relationship is depicted as one of reverence and partnership, where the wife’s submission is not seen as a sign of inferiority but as a component of a harmonious relationship. However, it is crucial to understand this instruction within the broader context of mutual submission, which emphasizes that both spouses are called to submit to one another out of love and respect. This mutual dynamic encourages open communication, shared decision-making, and a deep sense of partnership, where both individuals contribute to the well-being of the marriage. Consequently, the relationship is rooted in love, trust, and a commitment to supporting each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Paul also elaborates on the husband’s role as the head of the wife, drawing a parallel to the relationship between Christ and the Church. This designation of leadership is not simply about authority; it is fundamentally a leadership grounded in profound love and self-sacrifice. Christ’s unwavering love for the Church serves as an ultimate model for husbands, who are called to emulate it in their marriages. This means husbands should strive to care for their wives in ways that prioritize their overall well-being, including emotional, spiritual, and physical health. By placing their wives’ needs above their own, husbands can create a nurturing and supportive environment, fostering a partnership that reflects the deep commitment and unconditional love Christ exemplifies. Such a relationship requires open communication, mutual respect, and an active commitment to the growth and well-being of both partners.

The apostle highlights that Christ selflessly gave Himself for the Church, sanctifying her and making her holy. This profound act underscores the transformative and sanctifying power of love in marriage. In this framework, husbands are called to take the lead in nurturing their wives’ spiritual growth and overall well-being. This involves creating an environment of support and encouragement, where open communication, mutual respect, and shared faith are prioritized. By doing so, husbands not only fulfill their role as loving leaders but also foster a deeper, more enriching relationship that reflects the love Christ has for His Church.

The analogy of husband and wife becoming “one flesh” illustrates the deep, inseparable bond that marriage signifies. This metaphor emphasizes that the bond between partners goes beyond mere companionship; it embodies a commitment to unity and shared life experiences. By highlighting that both partners should care for one another as they would for their own bodies, the analogy suggests that true love in marriage is rooted in mutual respect, deep affection, and unwavering support. This nurturing care involves actively prioritizing each other’s needs, providing emotional and physical comfort, and fostering an environment where both individuals can grow and thrive together. In essence, it reflects the belief that a successful marriage is built on a foundation of partnership, where each spouse cherishes and uplifts the other, creating a harmonious and resilient union.

The description of this relationship as a “great mystery” highlights its deeply profound and spiritual essence. In the context of marriage, the love and unity shared between partners serve as a powerful model for comprehending the sacred connection between Christ and His followers. This relationship is not merely a social contract; instead, it embodies a divine covenant that reflects the unconditional love, commitment, and support inherent in the bond between Christ and the Church. Just as spouses are called to nurture and uplift one another, believers are invited to cultivate a profound relationship with Christ, characterized by faith, devotion, and mutual growth. This analogy provides a rich framework for understanding the transformative power of love and unity in both earthly marriages and the spiritual communion with the divine.

The concluding verse emphasizes the profound principle that each husband should love his wife as he loves himself, highlighting the necessity of selflessness and deep emotional connection in marriage. This love is not merely a feeling, but an active choice that involves care, support, and a commitment to the partner’s well-being. Conversely, it encourages wives to respect their husbands, which underscores the importance of admiration and acknowledgment within the relationship. This mutual exchange of love and respect fosters an environment where both partners feel valued and understood, ultimately creating a balanced, harmonious partnership essential to a successful marriage. Such a foundation helps cultivate trust and intimacy, allowing the relationship to thrive even amid life’s challenges.

EARLY SACRED TRADITION

Ignatius of Antioch, To Polycarp, 5 (A.D. 110)

“Flee wicked arts; but all the more discourse regarding them. Speak to my sisters, that they love in our Lord, and that their husbands be sufficient for them in the flesh and spirit. Then, again, charge my brethren in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that they love their wives, as our Lord His Church. If any man is able in power to continue in purity, to the honour of the flesh of our Lord, let him continue so without boasting; if he boasts, he is undone; if he become known apart from the bishop, he has destroyed himself. It is becoming, therefore, to men and women who marry, that they marry with the counsel of the bishop, that the marriage may be in our Lord, and not in lust. Let everything, therefore, be done for the honour of God.”

Origen, Commentary on Matthew, 14:16( post A.D. 244)

“Then, describing what ought to be in the case of those who are joined together by God, so that they may be joined together in a manner worthy of God, the Saviour adds, ‘So that they are no more twain;’ and, wherever there is indeed concord, and unison, and harmony, between husband and wife, when he is as ruler and she is obedient to the word, ‘He shall rule over thee,’ then of such persons we may truly say, ‘They are no more twain.’ Then since it was necessary that for ‘him who was joined to the Lord,’ it should be reserved ‘that he should become one spirit with Him,’ in the case of those who are joined together by God, after the words, ‘So that they are no more twain,’ it is said, ‘but one flesh.’ And it is God who has joined together the two in one so that they are no more twain, from the time that the woman is married to the man. And, since God has joined them together, on this account in the case of those who are joined together by God, there is a ‘gift’; and Paul knowing this, that marriage according to the Word of God was a ‘gift,’ like as holy celibacy was a gift, says, ‘But I would that all men were like myself; howbeit, each man hath his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that.’ And those who are joined together by God both mind and keep the precept, ‘Husbands love your wives, as Christ also the church.’ The Saviour then commanded, ‘What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,’ but man wishes to put asunder what God hath joined together, when, “falling away from the sound faith, giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, through the hypocrisy of men that speak lies, branded in their own conscience as with a hot iron, forbidding,” not only to commit fornication, but ‘to marry,’ he dissolves even those who had been before joined together by the providence of God. Let these things then be said, keeping in view what is expressly said concerning the male and the female, and the man and the woman, as the Saviour taught in the answer to the Pharisees.”

John Chrysostom, On Matthew 62:1 (A.D. 370)

“‘What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’ See a teacher’s wisdom.
I mean, that being asked, Is it lawful? He did not at once say, It is not lawful, lest they should
be disturbed and put in disorder, but before the decision by His argument, He rendered this manifest, showing that it is itself too the commandment of His Father, and that not in opposition to Moses
did He enjoin these things, but in full agreement with him. But mark Him arguing strongly not from
the creation only, but also from His command. For He said not that He made one man and one woman only, but that He also gave this command that the one man should be joined to the one woman. But
if it had been His will that he should put this one away, and bring in another, when He had made one
man, He would have formed many Women. But now both by the manner of the creation, and by the manner of lawgiving, He showed that one man must dwell with one woman continually, and never
break off from her.”

Augustine, On Marriage and Concupiscence, 1,10[11] (A.D. 420)

“It is certainly not fecundity only, the fruit of which consists of offspring, nor chastity only, whose bond is fidelity, but also a certain sacramental bond in marriage which is recommended to believers in wedlock. Accordingly it is en-joined by the apostle: ‘Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church.’ Of this bond the substance undoubtedly is this, that the man and the woman who are joined together in matrimony should remain inseparable as long as they live…”

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